{"title":"Nobody Knows","description":"\u003cp\u003eUnlock the vault of your most questionable life choices with the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"0\" data-index-in-node=\"65\"\u003eNobody Knows\u003c\/b\u003e collection, the ultimate \"low-visibility\" confession booth for your torso. Each black tee features a bold \"Nobody Knows\" in crisp white, while your actual guilty pleasure lurks beneath in a shade of gray so dark it’s practically a state secret. Whether you're quietly admitting that you don't wear pants on video calls, struggle to pronounce \"charcuterie\", or unironically love reality TV, these shirts are a masterclass in subtle self-exposure. It’s the perfect way to broadcast your \"tribe\" status to the few who get close enough to read the fine print, while leaving the rest of the world blissfully unaware of your secret shame.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"nobody-knows-my-password-is-password-1","title":"Nobody Knows my password is password","description":"Express your personality with these funny slogan T-shirts designed for comfort and style. Perfect for those looking to stand out from the crowd with their unique sense of humor and personal kicks. Ideal for casual wear and suitable for individuals who enjoy adding a touch of fun to their everyday outfit. Relevant for birthdays, holidays, and casual gatherings.\n\nProduct features\n- 50% polyester, 25% combed ring spun cotton, 25% rayon blend for comfort and durability\n- With side seams for structural support\n- Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention\n- Shoulder tape for stabilization\n- DTF inner neck labels for added comfort\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not tumble dry\n- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973369676005,"sku":"19548207898642975025","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973369708773,"sku":"38848811110976351504","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973369741541,"sku":"13650622468373033856","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973369774309,"sku":"22336028316966384220","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973369807077,"sku":"21244597096973761720","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973369839845,"sku":"14942718097234961777","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973369872613,"sku":"26744229564337307110","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973369905381,"sku":"33544406593682155154","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973369938149,"sku":"21248022619518899524","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-my-password-is-passwordguilty-kick-apparel-5317671.png?v=1765069210"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-im-not-really-vegetarian-1","title":"Nobody Knows I'm not really vegetarian","description":"Express your personality with these clever and funny slogan T-shirts designed for a black tee. From embarrassing to boastful personal kicks, these shirts are a great way to stand out from the crowd and show your guilty pleasures. Perfect for those who love to make a statement with their clothing and want to add some fun to their wardrobe. Ideal for casual wear, parties, and events where you want to showcase your unique style and sense of humor.\n\nProduct features\n- Super soft and durable tri-blend fabric\n- Side seams for structural support\n- Ribbed knit collar for shape retention\n- Shoulder tape for stability\n- DTF inner neck labels for comfort\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not tumble dry\n- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973371707621,"sku":"28826514490286633267","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973371740389,"sku":"20081779420178250679","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973371773157,"sku":"11697806358251195036","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973371805925,"sku":"87269140855216277538","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973371838693,"sku":"27470957458878559164","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973371871461,"sku":"26847991806583042391","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973371904229,"sku":"11191580224037905102","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973371936997,"sku":"55272898271878051560","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973371969765,"sku":"12611205530735509258","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-im-not-really-vegetarianguilty-kick-apparel-8854151.png?v=1765069211"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-wear-socks-to-bed-1","title":"Nobody Knows I wear socks to bed","description":"A funny slogan T-Shirt that expresses your guilty pleasure without being too obvious. This T-Shirt gives off a playful and lighthearted vibe, perfect for those who enjoy a good laugh. Ideal for casual wear or as a gift for friends and family. Relevant for holidays, parties, and everyday wear.\n\nProduct features\n- 50% polyester, 25% combed ring spun cotton, 25% rayon for softness, durability, and draping\n- With side seams for shape retention and structural support\n- Ribbed knit collar with seam for elasticity and shape retention\n- Shoulder tape for stabilizing the back and preventing stretching\n- DTF inner neck labels for comfort and durability\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not tumble dry\n- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973372100837,"sku":"64461883356087509736","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973372133605,"sku":"76841420560770881644","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973372166373,"sku":"16174247846096787756","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973372199141,"sku":"21287385540057261175","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973372231909,"sku":"28026694311221104752","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973372264677,"sku":"50254851347514348618","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973372297445,"sku":"36030215144635916818","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973372330213,"sku":"33062643505245705866","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973372362981,"sku":"79635193830205300587","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-wear-socks-to-bedguilty-kick-apparel-3094059.png?v=1765069214"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-know-how-to-pole-dance-1","title":"Nobody Knows I know how to pole dance","description":"A funny slogan T-Shirt that expresses your guilty pleasure without being too obvious. This T-Shirt gives off a playful and lighthearted vibe, perfect for those who enjoy a good laugh. Ideal for casual wear or as a gift for friends and family. Relevant for holidays, parties, and everyday wear.\n\nProduct features\n- 50% polyester, 25% combed ring spun cotton, 25% rayon for softness, durability, and drape\n- With side seams for shape retention and support\n- Ribbed knit collar with seam for elasticity and shape retention\n- Shoulder tape for stabilization and prevention of stretching\n- DTF inner neck labels for comfortable wear\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not tumble dry\n- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973373444325,"sku":"10770498832777338794","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973373477093,"sku":"21379840962875086137","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973373509861,"sku":"24055828464529755370","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973373542629,"sku":"32169069509947775825","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973373575397,"sku":"67195003584989255408","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973373608165,"sku":"74943820378003850150","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973373640933,"sku":"29716840437801380966","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973373673701,"sku":"32677102315817556432","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973373706469,"sku":"29112879100067205098","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-know-how-to-pole-danceguilty-kick-apparel-7150982.png?v=1765069210"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-eat-cereal-for-dinner-1","title":"Nobody Knows I eat cereal for dinner","description":"A funny slogan T-Shirt that expresses your guilty pleasure without being too obvious. This T-Shirt gives off a playful and lighthearted vibe, perfect for those who enjoy a good laugh. Ideal for casual wear or as a gift for friends and family. Relevant for holidays, parties, and everyday wear.\n\nProduct features\n- 50% polyester, 25% combed ring spun cotton, 25% rayon for a soft and durable fabric blend\n- With side seams for structural support and shape retention\n- Ribbed knit collar with seam for elasticity and shape retention\n- Shoulder tape for stability and to prevent stretching\n- DTF inner neck labels for a comfortable wear\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not tumble dry\n- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973377474789,"sku":"10866838938305976329","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973377507557,"sku":"10521814728534051089","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973377540325,"sku":"30761651828862111782","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973377573093,"sku":"12478980811625099512","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973377605861,"sku":"27882605357131578696","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973377638629,"sku":"20713761383036796464","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973377671397,"sku":"11595416409201503603","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973377704165,"sku":"47178968685775997951","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973377736933,"sku":"20021865690929036867","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-eat-cereal-for-dinnerguilty-kick-apparel-8471056.png?v=1765069209"},{"product_id":"halloween-ouija-board-tee-unisex-tri-blend-crew-tee-1","title":"Halloween Ouija Board Tee - Unisex Tri-Blend Crew Tee","description":"From the Nobody Knows collection, this T-Shirt has a Halloween theme with an Ouija board and the saying, nobody knows I talk to the dead. This shirt gives off a spooky and mysterious vibe, perfect for Halloween enthusiasts and lovers of the supernatural. Ideal for wearing during Halloween parties or while watching scary movies.\n\nProduct features\n- 50% polyester, 25% combed ring spun cotton, 25% rayon for comfort and durability\n- Side seams for shape retention\n- Ribbed knit collar with seam for elasticity\n- Shoulder tape for stabilization\n- DTF inner neck labels for comfort\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not tumble dry\n- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973422006501,"sku":"19306426893284630654","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973422039269,"sku":"15482390289597161477","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973422072037,"sku":"13509404715605995169","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973422104805,"sku":"24177678234015721203","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973422137573,"sku":"22960080972450991769","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973422170341,"sku":"37637537694368329945","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973422203109,"sku":"27276364600148226899","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973422235877,"sku":"19660837040981426601","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973422268645,"sku":"18037799161423199242","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/halloween-ouija-board-tee-unisex-tri-blend-crew-teeguilty-kick-apparel-5519202.png?v=1765069209"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-dont-wear-pants-on-video-calls","title":"Nobody Knows I don't wear pants on video calls","description":"\u003cp\u003eA funny slogan T-Shirt that expresses your guilty pleasure without being too obvious. This T-Shirt gives off a playful and lighthearted vibe, perfect for those who enjoy a good laugh. Ideal for casual wear or as a gift for friends and family. Relevant for holidays, parties, and everyday wear. Product features - Soft and durable tri-blend fabric for comfort and longevity - Side seams for added structural support and shape retention - Elastic ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - Shoulder tape for stability and prevention of stretching - DTF inner neck labels for a seamless finish Care instructions - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Do not tumble dry - Iron, steam or dry: low heat - Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973476434149,"sku":"82673150257055009946","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973476466917,"sku":"25795610976016908999","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973476499685,"sku":"31000862194346126290","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973476532453,"sku":"19709942574595405445","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973476565221,"sku":"16944399426466977208","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973476597989,"sku":"31800535620040562644","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973476630757,"sku":"23385799793600616670","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973476663525,"sku":"33537730614137188398","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973476696293,"sku":"25903034411739133217","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-dont-wear-pants-on-video-callsguilty-kick-apparel-8112657.png?v=1765069150"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-cant-pronounce-charcuterie","title":"Nobody Knows I can't pronounce charcuterie","description":"A Tee with a funny slogan that expresses your guilty pleasure without being too obvious. This Tee is perfect for those who appreciate subtle humor and want to add a touch of playfulness to their wardrobe. It's great for casual wear and can be a fun conversation starter at gatherings or events. Ideal for individuals who enjoy light-hearted and witty designs.\n\nProduct features\n- 50% polyester, 25% combed ring spun cotton, 25% rayon blend for softness and durability\n- With side seams for structural support\n- Ribbed knit collar with seam for elasticity and shape retention\n- Shoulder tape for stability and to prevent stretching\n- Lightweight fabric with tear-away label\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not tumble dry\n- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973476761829,"sku":"65933443819427010104","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973476794597,"sku":"14497706283718842929","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973476827365,"sku":"14790537956162413094","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973476860133,"sku":"28038473419967293964","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973476892901,"sku":"34011795955594599399","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973476925669,"sku":"94484931448433795524","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973476958437,"sku":"25953214653117838548","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973476991205,"sku":"14709020000517410244","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973477023973,"sku":"84503855307321058501","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-cant-pronounce-charcuterieguilty-kick-apparel-6040442.png?v=1765069149"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-love-reality-tv","title":"Nobody Knows I love reality TV","description":"A Tee with a funny slogan that expresses your guilty pleasure without being too obvious. It's made of a comfortable blend of polyester, cotton, and rayon, with side seams for structural support, ribbed knit collar for elasticity, and shoulder tape for stabilization. Perfect for casual wear and for those who like to add a touch of humor to their wardrobe.\n\nProduct features\n- Soft and durable fabric blend\n- Structural side seams\n- Elastic ribbed knit collar\n- Stabilizing shoulder tape\n- DTF inner neck labels\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not tumble dry\n- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":47973477122277,"sku":"12003893634832850458","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":47973477155045,"sku":"11261508247316373562","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":47973477187813,"sku":"19753405280551294317","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":47973477220581,"sku":"32742737819264295180","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":47973477253349,"sku":"15317888190013830814","price":12.21,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47973477286117,"sku":"12853452132349075602","price":14.64,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47973477318885,"sku":"11336941785660211977","price":16.66,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47973477351653,"sku":"37049030843021197342","price":18.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47973477384421,"sku":"26347213499866877740","price":19.79,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-love-reality-tvguilty-kick-apparel-3854884.png?v=1765069150"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-charcuterie-crisis-tee","title":"Nobody Knows: The Charcuterie Crisis Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Secret’s Safe (Because You Literally Can’t Say It) Let’s be honest: you enjoy a board of cured meats and fancy cheeses as much as the next pseudo-sophisticate, but the moment you have to order it out loud, your soul leaves your body. Is it shar-koo-tree? Char-cut-er-ie? Why is there a ‘t’ if we aren't going to use it? Part of the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this shirt is a wearable white flag for anyone who has ever pointed at a menu and said, \"I’ll have the... uh... meat board.\" Featuring our signature deadpan zipper-mouth icon, this tee captures that specific brand of modern existential dread—the fear of being found out as a culinary fraud. It’s minimalist, it’s satirical, and it’s the perfect conversation starter for people who want to look cultured without actually having to speak. Wear it to your next wine tasting and maintain your dignity through total silence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48879774761189,"sku":"31966206344044279924","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48879774793957,"sku":"18809133375545380657","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48879774826725,"sku":"10295694658018058319","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48879774859493,"sku":"30259916007955655446","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48879774892261,"sku":"16522333921047123969","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48879774925029,"sku":"10134080658492068599","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48879774957797,"sku":"22498855171793409321","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48879774990565,"sku":"20983459951627583461","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48879775023333,"sku":"11111767798163666345","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-charcuterie-crisis-teeguilty-kick-apparel-5589851.png?v=1777306269"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-finger-counting-intellectual","title":"Nobody Knows: The Finger-Counting Intellectual","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey call you a professional. They call you an adult. They might even call you for tax advice. Little do they know, your entire grasp of the numerical universe relies on ten fleshy appendages and a hidden rhythmic tapping beneath the conference table. Part of the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this tee is a tribute to the secret shortcuts we use to navigate a world that expects us to be calculators. It’s for the executive who still visualizes a number line, the creative who views \"math\" as a soft suggestion, and anyone whose internal processor occasionally requires physical manual labor. Wear it to your next high-stakes budget meeting and revel in the fact that your greatest secret is literally right in front of everyone's face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880319824101,"sku":"13765894157399097276","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880319856869,"sku":"29013365496934703312","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880319889637,"sku":"16823160146921156990","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880319922405,"sku":"24951591581777676596","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880319955173,"sku":"12969749132777300392","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880319987941,"sku":"20069675505702790931","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880320020709,"sku":"14500688721966861850","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880320053477,"sku":"28870213549023897588","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880320086245,"sku":"29211471809961588870","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-finger-counting-intellectualguilty-kick-apparel-8615307.png?v=1777306270"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-under-fridge-disposal-expert","title":"Nobody Knows: The Under-Fridge Disposal Expert","description":"\u003cp\u003eYour kitchen floor looks immaculate, but we all know the truth: three feet back, behind the compressor and the dust bunnies, lies a geological record of every snack you've eaten since 2022. Expanding the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this tee celebrates the \"out of sight, out of mind\" philosophy that keeps society functioning. It’s for the perfectionist who has reached their daily limit of effort, the homeowner who views their refrigerator as a tactical landfill, and anyone who realizes that a broom is just a tool for relocation. Wear it to your next dinner party and smile knowingly when someone compliments your \"clean\" home.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880320315621,"sku":"95517642200137016512","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880320348389,"sku":"11193716201316008904","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880320381157,"sku":"21270860769994995981","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880320413925,"sku":"79762208285913696569","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880320446693,"sku":"13997310147830723259","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880320479461,"sku":"25125945977685562268","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880320512229,"sku":"62281217778755252009","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880320544997,"sku":"15651309116221788267","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880320577765,"sku":"11376705025288833628","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-under-fridge-disposal-expertguilty-kick-apparel-9150522.png?v=1776891976"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-brine-enthusiast","title":"Nobody Knows: The Brine Enthusiast","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe pickles are just the packaging. The real prize is that salty, vinegar-soaked nectar of the gods that you consume standing in the glow of the open refrigerator at 2 AM. A vital addition to the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this shirt is for those who treat the pickle jar like a fine decanter. It’s for the electrolyte-obsessed, the sodium-starved, and the culinary rebels who know that a glass is just an unnecessary obstacle between you and the brine. Wear it with pride (and perhaps a mint) to signify your membership in the most hydrated, yet socially questionable, secret society on earth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880320839909,"sku":"13218376352093101322","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880320872677,"sku":"14043688175077392221","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880320905445,"sku":"13229231477201740087","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880320938213,"sku":"32205266139661433299","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880320970981,"sku":"30827764124873760389","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880321003749,"sku":"13140623302414276089","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880321036517,"sku":"43302891473195655429","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880321069285,"sku":"25278318753176145782","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880321102053,"sku":"33871068432372045178","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-brine-enthusiastguilty-kick-apparel-4030030.png?v=1777306269"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-aesthetic-literati","title":"Nobody Knows: The Aesthetic Literati","description":"\u003cp\u003eWe’ve all heard the proverb, but let’s be honest: if the typography is offensive and the illustration looks like a 1998 clip-art accident, that 400-page manifesto is staying on the shelf. The newest entry in the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this t-shirt is a confession for the visually discerning. It’s for the readers who buy books primarily to decorate their mid-century modern credenzas, the designers who can’t stomach a serif-gone-wrong, and the honest souls who know that first impressions are usually right. Wear it to your local indie bookstore or a literary gala to signal that while you might not have read the prologue, you have definitely critiqued the matte finish.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880321167589,"sku":"36234343423392176655","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880321200357,"sku":"11418848252993495295","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880321233125,"sku":"98404654739939411162","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880321265893,"sku":"32919588157155585358","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880321298661,"sku":"33075649607432507634","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880321331429,"sku":"54789671613749203452","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880321364197,"sku":"27731723518118095006","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880321396965,"sku":"24355417650389399284","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880321429733,"sku":"89063417463074834650","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-aesthetic-literatiguilty-kick-apparel-1107317.png?v=1777306269"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-botanical-mortician","title":"Nobody Knows: The Botanical Mortician","description":"\u003cp\u003eYour Instagram says \"Urban Jungle,\" but your trash can says \"Mass Casualty Event.\" Behind every thriving succulent on your windowsill lies a silent graveyard of ferns, fiddle-leaf figs, and \"unkillable\" cacti that simply couldn't survive your unique brand of unintentional abandonment. A darkly relatable addition to the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this t-shirt is a badge of honor for the chronically forgetful gardener. It’s for the person who buys a new pothos to cover the withered remains of the old one, the homeowner who views a watering can as a decorative sculpture, and anyone who has ever apologized to a decorative silk plant out of habit. Wear it to the nursery while you scout your next victim—your secret is safe with us.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880322052325,"sku":"58545427024025823092","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880322085093,"sku":"18827759391013697667","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880322117861,"sku":"25196209985614634838","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880322150629,"sku":"33844872033461872618","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880322183397,"sku":"29632277066574657374","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880322216165,"sku":"26983687838380576512","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880322248933,"sku":"11019544796515634202","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880322281701,"sku":"23946161119000498409","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880322314469,"sku":"21046450598007315653","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-botanical-morticianguilty-kick-apparel-6427968.png?v=1777306270"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-search-engine-specialist-tech-support-edition","title":"Nobody Knows: The Search Engine Specialist (Tech Support Edition)","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe user thinks you’re an architect of complex systems. The CEO thinks you have the entire library of C++ documentation memorized. In reality, your primary skill is knowing exactly which Reddit thread from 2014 holds the answer to that obscure BIOS error. A definitive piece for the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this \"Tech Support\" edition is a tribute to the unsung hero of the digital age: the search bar. It’s for the IT professional who understands that \"expertise\" is just the ability to filter out the sponsored results and find the one forum post that actually works. Whether you’re a senior dev or a help-desk intern, this shirt honors the secret bond between you and the algorithm. Wear it to the office and let them marvel at your \"innate\" troubleshooting abilities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880322937061,"sku":"10262518870696734827","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880322969829,"sku":"24635246538494010893","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880323002597,"sku":"72844775512953030191","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880323035365,"sku":"23340755619821569893","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880323068133,"sku":"28989746549577365386","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880323100901,"sku":"19489919016104267895","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880323133669,"sku":"13197045512673229357","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880323166437,"sku":"18706425244696807830","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880323199205,"sku":"22977858639403212940","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-search-engine-specialist-tech-support-editionguilty-kick-apparel-3455619.png?v=1776891975"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-mystery-cable-manager-tech-support-edition","title":"Nobody Knows: The Mystery Cable Manager (Tech Support Edition)","description":"\u003cp\u003eEvery server room has one. Every home office has three. It’s that one grey, slightly sticky cable that disappears into a hole in the floor or a tangled nest behind the rack. You won't unplug it because it might be the only thing keeping the entire company’s database from imploding, but you also have no idea what it actually connects to. A mandatory addition to the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this \"Tech Support\" edition is for the IT professionals who live in a state of perpetual hardware-based uncertainty. It’s for the network engineer who inherited a \"spaghetti\" closet, the sysadmin who fears the unknown, and anyone who has ever muttered \"if it ain't broke, don't touch it\" while staring at a proprietary connector from 1994. Wear it to your next infrastructure audit to signal that while the network is up, the logic behind it is a total mystery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880323854565,"sku":"25507153897108132501","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880323887333,"sku":"14392345395031048215","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880323920101,"sku":"33688983504941948373","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880323952869,"sku":"32622211266267493080","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880323985637,"sku":"19906443778601902647","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880324018405,"sku":"30636111102889236228","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880324051173,"sku":"11665950513256871570","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880324083941,"sku":"95896264279462609860","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880324116709,"sku":"15533922290169485094","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-mystery-cable-manager-tech-support-editionguilty-kick-apparel-8997046.png?v=1776891976"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-accidental-engineer-tech-support-edition","title":"Nobody Knows: The Accidental Engineer (Tech Support Edition)","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou poked at a random setting, refreshed the page, and suddenly the \"Critical Error\" disappeared. Was it the syntax change? The cache clear? Or did you just happen to lean on the keyboard in a way the machine found threatening? A pivotal entry in the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this \"Tech Support\" edition is for the IT professionals who understand that \"expertise\" is often just a high-velocity collision between trial-and-error and sheer dumb luck. It’s for the developer who fixed the bug while trying to create a different one, the help-desk tech who performed a miracle by sneezing near the router, and anyone who has ever accepted a \"thank you\" for a fix they can’t explain and could never replicate. Wear it to the office and maintain the illusion of technical mastery—your secret is safe behind the firewall.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880324247781,"sku":"12811708434988164772","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880324280549,"sku":"28990308709313393234","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880324313317,"sku":"41669132259035733786","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880324346085,"sku":"10289693103314956580","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880324378853,"sku":"22195604430626382951","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880324411621,"sku":"17878831143564498861","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880324444389,"sku":"21021589489876376058","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880324477157,"sku":"31249058505398255063","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880324509925,"sku":"31362088993647040602","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-accidental-engineer-tech-support-editionguilty-kick-apparel-4566197.png?v=1776891975"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-pebkac-specialist-user-support-tech-support-edition","title":"Nobody Knows: The PEBKAC Specialist  User Support (Tech Support Edition)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\"Did you try plugging it in?\" It’s the question you ask ten times a day while slowly losing your faith in the collective IQ of the modern workforce. You smile, you nod, and you \"remotely access\" their desktop just to click the one button they’ve been staring at for forty-five minutes. The most honest entry in the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this \"Tech Support\" edition is for the IT professionals who realize that the biggest bug in the system is usually sitting in the ergonomic chair. It’s for the help-desk hero who has explained the difference between a \"browser\" and \"the internet\" one too many times, the sysadmin who lives for Layer 8 errors, and anyone who understands that \"user-friendly\" is a lie we tell ourselves to keep from screaming. Wear it to the office under a cardigan—your secret opinion is safe behind the firewall.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880324673765,"sku":"23849857232775057134","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880324706533,"sku":"38727502650500837715","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880324739301,"sku":"65799252805061475030","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880324772069,"sku":"16396668012822473325","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880324804837,"sku":"72021018363305955687","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880324837605,"sku":"23863011183359219838","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880324870373,"sku":"11882548833569798551","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880324903141,"sku":"28755324682864711249","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880324935909,"sku":"37983238069531591400","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-pebkac-specialist-user-support-tech-support-editionguilty-kick-apparel-4735763.png?v=1776891976"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-it-wizard-tech-support-edition","title":"Nobody Knows: The IT Wizard (Tech Support Edition)","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey think you’re a digital sorcerer. They think you’re decrypting the matrix. In reality, you’re just the world’s most highly-paid button-pusher. A cornerstone of the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this \"Tech Support\" edition is for the IT professionals who know that 99% of modern engineering is just turning things off and back on again until the universe corrects itself. It’s for the sysadmin who hasn't read a manual since 2008, the help-desk hero who relies on a well-timed reboot, and the executive who understands that \"complex troubleshooting\" is usually just a power cycle in a fancy suit. Wear it to the server room or your next Zoom call to signal that while your paycheck is complex, your solution is delightfully primitive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880436183269,"sku":"17584554197127246613","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880436216037,"sku":"99728412107446371891","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880436248805,"sku":"19139944506136964100","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880436281573,"sku":"20325001590609140341","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880436314341,"sku":"69544144424100023509","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880436347109,"sku":"14062233647058478176","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880436379877,"sku":"12447112153361529775","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880436412645,"sku":"19460409296109421181","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880436445413,"sku":"12021745499311548312","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-it-wizard-tech-support-editionguilty-kick-apparel-9612892.png?v=1776891976"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-love-reality-tv-funny-trashy-television-satire","title":"Nobody Knows I Love Reality TV Funny Trashy Television Satire","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou have opinions about the rose ceremony. Strong, informed, well-researched opinions. You know the production timeline, the editing tricks, the villain arc. This is not a guilty pleasure. This is media literacy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe confession sits in dark grey below the zipper face — hidden in plain sight, just like your browser history from last Tuesday at 11pm when you watched six episodes of that dating show you've definitely never seen before.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNobody knows. Your streaming service, however, has been sending some looks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003ePart of the Guilty Kick Nobody Knows collection — wearable confessions for people with sophisticated taste in unsophisticated television.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48902817612005,"sku":"16802415260859411150","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48902817644773,"sku":"13637315481336153400","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48902817677541,"sku":"27425470772681125732","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48902817710309,"sku":"27456172641734139625","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48902817743077,"sku":"28365233058883116507","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48902817775845,"sku":"37729099685258590430","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48902817808613,"sku":"29348726517239952857","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48902817841381,"sku":"93824864769028850908","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48902817874149,"sku":"30381169236244141051","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-love-reality-tv-funny-trashy-television-satireguilty-kick-apparel-8444856.png?v=1777389130"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-dont-wear-pants-on-video-calls-remote-work-satire","title":"Nobody Knows I Don't Wear Pants On Video Calls Remote Work Satire","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eProfessionalism is a frame-by-frame negotiation and you have been winning since 2020. The blazer is doing its job. The background is tastefully blurred. The pants situation is between you and the chair.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe confession is in dark grey below the zipper face — barely visible, just like your lower half on that quarterly review call. Wear it to your next in-person meeting. Let someone read it mid-handshake.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNobody knows. HR has not been informed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003ePart of the Guilty Kick Nobody Knows collection — wearable confessions for remote workers operating at peak efficiency.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. Unisex fit. Business casual from the waist up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dry clean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48902838976741,"sku":"30167268283857659165","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48902839009509,"sku":"40602631467057292598","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48902839042277,"sku":"24836520208790927584","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48902839075045,"sku":"31046780603669541007","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48902839107813,"sku":"28822614898691583427","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48902839140581,"sku":"18734442179365494224","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48902839173349,"sku":"10565013285001756111","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48902839206117,"sku":"16446405442926667594","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48902839238885,"sku":"16768033230788584524","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-dont-wear-pants-on-video-calls-remote-work-satireguilty-kick-apparel-9624089.png?v=1777389130"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-eat-cereal-for-dinner-funny-adulting-satire-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I Eat Cereal For Dinner Funny Adulting Satire Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eDinner is a social construct. Cereal has grains. Grains are food. Food at dinnertime is dinner. This is basic logic and you will not be lectured.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe confession sits in dark grey below the zipper face — close enough to read if someone squints, far enough from visible to protect your reputation at dinner parties you don't attend because you're home eating cereal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNobody knows. The empty boxes in the recycling, however, are talking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003ePart of the Guilty Kick Nobody Knows collection — wearable confessions for adults making extremely adult decisions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e100% cotton. Black. Unisex fit. Milk not included. Judgment not included either.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48902919192805,"sku":"33121074341269327196","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48902919225573,"sku":"83221104189786905283","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48902919258341,"sku":"27805475979572074867","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48902919291109,"sku":"24610931679548082343","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48902919323877,"sku":"40092329115808792215","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48902919356645,"sku":"24696852816275732658","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48902919389413,"sku":"14465740234107875892","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48902919422181,"sku":"31851681593930258971","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48902919454949,"sku":"23583420949029141169","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-eat-cereal-for-dinner-funny-adulting-satire-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-9322216.png?v=1777389130"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-wear-socks-to-bed-funny-sleep-satire-tee","title":"Nobody Knows I Wear Socks To Bed Funny Sleep Satire Tee","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is not up for debate. Cold feet are a threat to national security and you will not be made to feel ashamed for taking reasonable precautions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe confession is in dark grey below the zipper face — just visible enough for the right person to see it, just hidden enough to maintain dignity. There are two kinds of people in this world. This shirt identifies which one you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNobody knows. Except everyone who has ever shared a bed with you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003ePart of the Guilty Kick Nobody Knows collection — wearable confessions for people with strong opinions about sleep hygiene.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e100% cotton. Black. Unisex fit. Socks not included but strongly recommended.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48902929809637,"sku":"16768229065256586879","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48902929842405,"sku":"14972301965877307428","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48902929875173,"sku":"97889580713506418054","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48902929907941,"sku":"14056847486989093015","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48902929940709,"sku":"44171741415170035776","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48902929973477,"sku":"23738052260542496915","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48902930006245,"sku":"21994045679206653109","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48902930039013,"sku":"33594812412145812972","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48902930071781,"sku":"66987662149113882919","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-wear-socks-to-bed-funny-sleep-satire-teeguilty-kick-apparel-1836805.png?v=1777389131"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-my-password-is-password-funny-it-satire-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows My Password Is Password Funny IT Satire T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou've been meaning to change it. You were going to use a password manager. You watched a whole YouTube video about cybersecurity in 2021 and felt genuinely concerned for about four hours.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe password is still password.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe confession lives in dark grey below the zipper face — hidden in plain sight, much like your login credentials. This shirt is either a warning or a cry for help. Possibly both.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNobody knows. Except every hacker who's already been in there twice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003ePart of the Guilty Kick Nobody Knows collection — wearable confessions for people whose digital security is more of a suggestion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48902936920293,"sku":"27972282238149925312","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48902936953061,"sku":"33088853629877841793","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48902936985829,"sku":"60468933069782004373","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48902937018597,"sku":"94246144805563429108","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48902937051365,"sku":"28661044217019656224","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48902937084133,"sku":"29078703049946966265","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48902937116901,"sku":"26824586965364611739","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48902937149669,"sku":"23085111918667675341","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48902937182437,"sku":"22742991087617059397","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-my-password-is-password-funny-it-satire-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-4907429.png?v=1777389131"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-m-not-really-vegetarian-funny-food-satire-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I’m Not Really Vegetarian Funny Food Satire Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou said you were vegetarian at that dinner party in 2019 and now you're in too deep. The salad orders. The \"oh I don't eat meat\" at restaurants. The quiet shame at every barbecue.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe confession is right there on the shirt in dark grey — barely visible, exactly like your commitment to a plant-based lifestyle. Wear it around other vegetarians. See what happens. We are not responsible for what happens.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNobody knows. Except everyone at that barbecue.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003ePart of the Guilty Kick Nobody Knows collection — wearable confessions for people who made one dietary comment and never recovered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48902944686309,"sku":"51547339862696362637","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48902944719077,"sku":"17205402448315564741","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48902944751845,"sku":"30334635250285621081","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48902944784613,"sku":"15565430205988086695","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48902944817381,"sku":"30476797653873828481","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48902944850149,"sku":"32498893091913691697","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48902944882917,"sku":"33775422624241442979","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48902944915685,"sku":"30506456338622920202","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48902944948453,"sku":"12270417220602422170","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-im-not-really-vegetarian-funny-food-satire-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-5482583.png?v=1777389131"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-know-how-to-pole-dance-funny-fitness-satire-tee","title":"Nobody Knows I Know How To Pole Dance Funny Fitness Satire Tee","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eIt's a legitimate athletic skill. Requires core strength, flexibility, upper body control, and the ability to keep a completely straight face when someone asks what you did over the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou said yoga. That's basically the same thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe confession lives below the zipper face in dark grey — close enough to read if someone's paying attention, invisible enough to maintain plausible deniability. That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNobody knows. And yet here you are, buying the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003ePart of the Guilty Kick Nobody Knows collection — wearable confessions for people whose hobbies require a separate explanation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48902952059109,"sku":"21963536993023458783","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48902952091877,"sku":"19197704187090358182","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48902952124645,"sku":"10536425749482866469","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48902952157413,"sku":"26199077910173761167","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48902952190181,"sku":"27779654263968664796","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48902952222949,"sku":"14576355168225098436","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48902952255717,"sku":"31190692774283268310","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48902952288485,"sku":"77984152612135765372","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48902952321253,"sku":"13467040209447487864","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-know-how-to-pole-dance-funny-fitness-satire-teeguilty-kick-apparel-8872196.png?v=1777389129"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-talk-to-the-dead-ouija-board-satire-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I Talk To The Dead Ouija Board Satire T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe zipper's been holding this one in for a while. Somewhere between your third episode of that paranormal investigation show and that time you asked your late grandmother for a parking spot, you crossed a line. We're not judging. We are, however, watching.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe confession is right there on the shirt — hidden in grey, plain as day, for anyone paying attention. The Ouija board below it is just in case they need clarification.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNobody knows. Except now they do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003ePart of the Guilty Kick Nobody Knows collection — wearable confessions for people whose inner monologue would raise some eyebrows.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48902957564133,"sku":"30892233006139979364","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48902957596901,"sku":"42790756748928490225","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48902957629669,"sku":"35718686820641846014","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48902957662437,"sku":"33598382958702239929","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48902957695205,"sku":"27478012544837703622","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48902957727973,"sku":"27873761439269523647","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48902957760741,"sku":"16130997321389759236","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48902957793509,"sku":"57362262355930740022","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48902957826277,"sku":"26877325780509617734","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-talk-to-the-dead-ouija-board-satire-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-8013397.png?v=1777389131"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-m-a-genius-at-predicting-horror-movie-victims-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I’m a Genius (At Predicting Horror Movie Victims) T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eYou don’t have a sixth sense; you just have basic pattern recognition and a healthy appreciation for predictable tropes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003ePart of our \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"12\"\u003e\"Nobody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection—built for the hyper-specific sub-genres of your secret inner life—this shirt looks like a minimalist black-on-black flex from a distance. But up close? It’s a total confession. It proclaims you as the undisputed oracle of the living room couch, the savant who knows exactly when the overconfident jock, the character who says \"I'll be right back,\" or the person wandering into the dark basement is about to meet a gruesome end.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eFeaturing a subtle, dark-grey-on-black font hierarchy topped with a zipped-mouth smiley icon (because real geniuses don't spoil the twist), it’s the ultimate wearable satire for cinephiles, horror buffs, and anyone who has ever yelled at the screen. Wear it to your next movie night, or just out in public to let the world know that while you might not be curing diseases, you absolutely know who is getting chopped first.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49091715924197,"sku":"15119647397976543565","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49091715956965,"sku":"18619301373954514441","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49091715989733,"sku":"21364308422358642381","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49091716022501,"sku":"84229349048395139422","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49091716055269,"sku":"25734561942021802502","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49091716088037,"sku":"11511758046581197233","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49091716120805,"sku":"86535903202889086841","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49091716153573,"sku":"21723624243168871637","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49091716186341,"sku":"33218270444390936160","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-im-a-genius-at-predicting-horror-movie-victims-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-7040572.png?v=1779282909"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-m-a-genius-at-making-grilled-cheese-sandwiches-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I’m a Genius (At Making Grilled Cheese Sandwiches) T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eSome people excel at multi-variable calculus. Others master corporate mergers. You? You have achieved the absolute pinnacle of human evolution: achieving the perfect, golden-brown, crispy-to-melty ratio on a standard skillet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eAn essential installment in our \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"32\"\u003e\"Nobody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection—celebrating the hyper-specific, highly elite sub-genres of our quiet everyday lives—this shirt honors the unsung maestros of the kitchen counter. From a distance, it looks like a sleek, minimalist black-on-black flex. But up close, it reveals your one true, undeniable superpower. It’s a silent announcement that while you might not know how to fix the plumbing or balance a budget, your mayo-versus-butter technique is a matter of culinary legend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eFeaturing our signature zipped-mouth smiley icon and subtle, low-contrast dark grey lettering on a premium solid black tee, it’s the ultimate wearable satire for late-night snackers, comfort food connoisseurs, and domestic deities. Wear it to your next family gathering, a casual brunch, or just while standing over the stove to ensure everyone respects the chef.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49091729064165,"sku":"60456826244963979948","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49091729096933,"sku":"31745708547969778753","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49091729129701,"sku":"18024582558372798456","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49091729162469,"sku":"44663516240113589792","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49091729195237,"sku":"17725686532080892752","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49091729228005,"sku":"62674271000033662288","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49091729260773,"sku":"12123555600792500339","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49091729293541,"sku":"33266516605716360399","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49091729326309,"sku":"17198924881512633557","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-im-a-genius-at-making-grilled-cheese-sandwiches-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-8197955.png?v=1779282910"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-m-a-genius-at-never-spell-checking-anything-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I’m a Genius (At Never Spell Checking Anything) T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eAutocorrect is for the weak, and proofreading is a coward’s game. Why waste valuable seconds double-checking your work when you can simply hit send and let the chaos unfold?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eAn essential installment in our \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"32\"\u003e\"Nobody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection—celebrating the hyper-specific, beautifully flawed sub-genres of our internal wiring—this shirt honors the rogue writers, chaotic copyeditors, and untamed texters who live life entirely on the edge. From a distance, it looks like a clean, minimal black-on-black statement. Up close, it’s a brilliant confession that you possess a total, unbothered immunity to red squiggly lines.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eFeaturing our signature zipped-mouth smiley icon and subtle, low-contrast dark grey lettering on a premium solid black tee, it's the ultimate inside joke for authors, editors, screenwriters, and corporate email warriors who raw-dog their communication. Wear it to your next writers group, office meeting, or book signing to quietly proclaim that while you \u003cem data-path-to-node=\"6\" data-index-in-node=\"356\"\u003emight\u003c\/em\u003e miss a typo or two, your confidence remains completely unshakeable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49091729916133,"sku":"30459592253647542305","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49091729948901,"sku":"15158018309841292124","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49091729981669,"sku":"52771270217681015540","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49091730014437,"sku":"31239587418356189390","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49091730047205,"sku":"34928872021587737525","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49091730079973,"sku":"12840721097007355112","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49091730112741,"sku":"29295498577162862648","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49091730145509,"sku":"16803106086618659398","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49091730178277,"sku":"13606225024770415076","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-im-a-genius-at-never-spell-checking-anything-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-5127975.png?v=1779282909"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-m-a-genius-at-strategic-incompetence-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I’m a Genius (At Strategic Incompetence) T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eWhy do a boring task perfectly when you can do it so catastrophically wrong that nobody ever asks you to do it again? That’s not laziness—that’s chess.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eA high-level addition to our \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"29\"\u003e\"I am who I am\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection, this shirt celebrates the ultimate life hack for corporate survival and domestic preservation: weaponized, highly orchestrated, brilliant ineptitude. From a distance, it looks like a sleek, minimalist black-on-black flex. But up close, it reveals your true superpower—doing a job just poorly enough to permanently shift the responsibility to someone else.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eFeaturing our signature zipped-mouth smiley icon and subtle, low-contrast dark grey lettering on a solid black tee, it's the perfect uniform for anyone who has ever \"forgotten\" how to run the spreadsheet automation, optimize the database, or find the laundry detergent. Wear it to your next video call, office meeting, or just around the house to quietly signal that while you \u003cem data-path-to-node=\"6\" data-index-in-node=\"377\"\u003ecould\u003c\/em\u003e help... it's probably safer for everyone if you don't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49091740664037,"sku":"20089448255296885985","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49091740696805,"sku":"25561164335494721109","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49091740729573,"sku":"48403207176712649184","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49091740762341,"sku":"12984022718134145641","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49091740795109,"sku":"33863159757099658219","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49091740827877,"sku":"75194594023355316648","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49091740860645,"sku":"49246069166905066056","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49091740893413,"sku":"85636465642648499462","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49091740926181,"sku":"16225745347094211716","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-im-a-genius-at-strategic-incompetence-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-2218396.png?v=1779283202"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-m-a-genius-at-pretending-i-m-listening-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I’m a Genius (At Pretending I’m Listening) T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eThe head nod is perfectly timed. The eye contact is unbroken. The occasional, thoughtful \"Mmm-hmm\" is flawlessly executed. It’s an absolute masterclass in performance art—because mentally, you are lightyears away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eAn elite addition to our \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"25\"\u003e\"Nobody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection, this shirt is a tribute to the world-class daydreamers, introverts, and corporate meeting survivors who have perfected the art of the active-listening facade. From a distance, it reads like a sleek, minimalist black-on-black design. But up close, it reveals your ultimate secret weapon: total, uninterrupted mental absence covered by a flawless exterior.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eFeaturing our signature zipped-mouth smiley icon and subtle, low-contrast dark grey lettering on a premium solid black tee, it's the perfect uniform for anyone who tunes out small talk, endless monologues, or repetitive stories. Wear it to your next video call, family gathering, or casual meetup to quietly celebrate your true superpower—because a genius never lets them know they aren't actually there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton body (heathers contain 10% polyester) — 4.3 oz\/yd² (146 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49091742892261,"sku":"52796338128759808639","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49091742925029,"sku":"13125987028688957773","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49091742957797,"sku":"14143462173322279543","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49091742990565,"sku":"30174256819558447044","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49091743023333,"sku":"59687520964338192325","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49091743056101,"sku":"58745467265287445669","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49091743088869,"sku":"18721189241704494247","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49091743121637,"sku":"14319428472938251281","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49091743154405,"sku":"29919321522830755407","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-im-a-genius-at-pretending-im-listening-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-7738751.png?v=1779282909"},{"product_id":"everybody-knows-i-don-t-remember-shit-t-shirt-funny-forgetful-confession-tee","title":"Everybody Knows I Don’t Remember Shit T-Shirt | Funny Forgetful Confession Tee","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eSome secrets are too heavy to carry. This isn't one of them. Welcome to the \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"76\"\u003e\"Everybody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection, a stark, satirical twist on our classic low-visibility confessions. Because let’s be honest: you aren’t fooling anyone anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eFeaturing bold, crisp typography and our signature zipped-mouth smiley face, this tee broadcasts the one universal truth your friends, family, and coworkers have known for years. The real genius is in the subtle design layout: while the world sees a loud declaration of \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"270\"\u003e\"EVERYBODY KNOWS,\"\u003c\/strong\u003e the actual punchline: \u003cem data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"310\"\u003e\"I don't remember shit.\" \u003c\/em\u003eis printed in a muted, low-visibility grey. It’s a stealth confession hiding in plain sight, perfectly capturing that signature blend of corporate-bureaucracy fatigue and tongue-in-cheek self-deprecation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eWhether you're walking into a meeting you entirely forgot was scheduled or just trying to lower everyone's expectations of your memory before the conversation even starts, this shirt does the heavy lifting for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton \u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49279489999077,"sku":"24095256007065459989","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49279490031845,"sku":"13915921040247542618","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49279490064613,"sku":"27372788821018112012","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49279490097381,"sku":"56986595857300024947","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49279490130149,"sku":"16007061974913625761","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49279490162917,"sku":"15332097779317090985","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49279490195685,"sku":"13244150103194572349","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49279490228453,"sku":"21290711212073087808","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49279490261221,"sku":"14032025898857294957","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/everybody-knows-i-dont-remember-shit-t-shirt-funny-forgetful-confession-teeguilty-kick-apparel-8079466.png?v=1779697244"},{"product_id":"everybody-knows-i-pretend-to-be-texting-t-shirt-funny-introvert-social-anxiety-tee","title":"Everybody Knows I Pretend To Be Texting T-Shirt | Funny Introvert Social Anxiety Tee","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eWe’ve all been there. You’re walking down the street, you spot a familiar face in the distance, and suddenly your phone screen becomes the most fascinating object in the known universe. Welcome back to the \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"206\"\u003e\"Everybody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection—the satirical line where your deepest social defense mechanisms are laid bare. Because let’s be real: they saw you, you saw them, and absolutely nobody is buying the \"intent texting\" routine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis design brings a beautifully deadpan truth to the surface. Up top, the bold white typography loudly broadcasts \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"115\"\u003e\"EVERYBODY KNOWS,\"\u003c\/strong\u003e anchored by our signature zipped-mouth smiley face. But the real magic is underneath, where the true confession—\u003cem data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"246\"\u003e\"I pretend to be texting when I see someone I know.\"\u003c\/em\u003e—is printed in a muted, low-visibility grey. It’s the ultimate stealth announcement for the chronically awkward, hiding a loud reality in a subtle design.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003ePerfect for introverts, grocery store avoiders, and anyone who treats eye contact like a high-stakes game of chicken. Wear it out in public—just don't be surprised if people give you your space while you're \"busy typing.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton \u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49279670616293,"sku":"17243510921027471421","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49279670649061,"sku":"14618780424065886665","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49279670681829,"sku":"10675780307046442336","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49279670714597,"sku":"50355441647046630225","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49279670747365,"sku":"68209300641099451469","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49279670780133,"sku":"63580907536740301389","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49279670812901,"sku":"45577909534101136166","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49279670845669,"sku":"46303940801898215178","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49279670878437,"sku":"28714520697184091190","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/everybody-knows-i-pretend-to-be-texting-t-shirt-funny-introvert-social-anxiety-teeguilty-kick-apparel-8839255.png?v=1779697213"},{"product_id":"everybody-knows-i-never-use-spel-check-t-shirt-funny-typos-grammar-satire-tee","title":"Everybody Knows I Never Use Spel Check T-Shirt | Funny Typos Grammar Satire Tee","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eThere are two types of people in this world: those who meticulously proofread, and those who live life on the absolute edge. Welcome back to the \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"145\"\u003e\"Everybody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection—the satirical lineup that skips the denial and goes straight to the blunt reality. Let’s face it, your editors, your boss, and your group chats have known the truth for a long time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis design pairs high-impact graphic design with a brilliant, self-inflicted error. The top half commands attention with bold white typography broadcasting \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"157\"\u003e\"EVERYBODY KNOWS,\"\u003c\/strong\u003e anchored by our iconic zipped-mouth smiley face. But the real punchline is subtly tucked underneath in low-visibility grey text: \u003cem data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"305\"\u003e\"I never use spel check.\"\u003c\/em\u003e Complete with that universally dreaded, red zig-zag squiggly underline right under the missing \"l,\" it is the ultimate badge of honor for the chaotic writer, the rushed Slack messenger, or anyone who refuses to let automated red lines dictate their life.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003ePerfect for authors, copywriters, developers, and corporate professionals who are completely burnt out on corporate perfectionism. Wear it proudly to your next pitch or casual Friday—just don't expect anyone to ask you to proofread the agenda.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton \u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49279790678245,"sku":"98257168915857423953","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49279790711013,"sku":"85548350092267033919","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49279790743781,"sku":"31180707553401446266","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49279790776549,"sku":"12702601283510746893","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49279790809317,"sku":"94581575706300623081","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49279790842085,"sku":"34848109213980569015","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49279790874853,"sku":"29270121546239941720","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49279790907621,"sku":"89884899371134511705","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49279790940389,"sku":"15514005105428719083","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/everybody-knows-i-never-use-spel-check-t-shirt-funny-typos-grammar-satire-teeguilty-kick-apparel-5019916.png?v=1779697250"},{"product_id":"everybody-knows-i-m-running-on-coffee-and-anxiety-t-shirt-funny-caffeine-overload-tee","title":"Everybody Knows I’m Running on Coffee and Anxiety T-Shirt | Funny Caffeine Overload Tee","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eAh, the modern fuel source. Why pretend you have your life together when you can just embrace the trembling, highly caffeinated reality? Welcome to the \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"152\"\u003e\"Everybody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection—the satirical series that skips the polite small talk and goes straight to the blunt, over-stimulated truth. Let’s be honest: your trembling hands, rapid speech, and third cold brew of the morning already gave it away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis design deadpans the ultimate daily survival formula. The top half commands the room with bold white typography broadcasting \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"129\"\u003e\"EVERYBODY KNOWS,\"\u003c\/strong\u003e centered by our signature zipped-mouth smiley face. Tucked quietly underneath in our low-visibility grey text is the real confession: \u003cem data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"282\"\u003e\"I'm running on coffee and anxiety.\"\u003c\/em\u003e It’s a stealth admission printed for anyone who treats corporate deadlines like a high-stakes adrenaline sport and counts caffeine as a major food group.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003ePerfect for overworked professionals, sleep-deprived creatives, and anyone whose baseline state is \"intensely alert but slightly panicked.\" Wear it to the office, the local coffee shop, or your next early morning Zoom meeting—everyone already knows anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton \u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49279922995429,"sku":"12003049298788100915","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49279923028197,"sku":"31605738512381596669","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49279923060965,"sku":"13328228853983157887","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49279923093733,"sku":"29285584384558799734","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49279923126501,"sku":"13291030315031512047","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49279923159269,"sku":"26051577720347345506","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49279923192037,"sku":"16678175698784432787","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49279923224805,"sku":"27565840062211997150","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49279923257573,"sku":"10990679977395044094","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/everybody-knows-im-running-on-coffee-and-anxiety-t-shirt-funny-caffeine-overload-teeguilty-kick-apparel-3288714.png?v=1779697209"},{"product_id":"everybody-knows-i-smell-like-panic-and-desperation-t-shirt-funny-dark-humor-satire-tee","title":"Everybody Knows I Smell Like Panic and Desperation T-Shirt | Funny Dark Humor Satire Tee","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eForget expensive colognes or subtle essential oils. There is a raw, unmistakable fragrance that only a looming corporate deadline, an unread inbox, or a total lack of a backup plan can produce. Welcome to the \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"209\"\u003e\"Everybody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection, the satirical lineup where we stop pretending and just air out the truth. Because let's face it: you can't mask this kind of vibe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis design masterfully captures the aroma of a modern existential crisis. The top half demands attention with bold white typography broadcasting \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"146\"\u003e\"EVERYBODY KNOWS,\"\u003c\/strong\u003e anchored by our signature zipped-mouth smiley face. But the real kicker is subtly printed underneath in a low-visibility grey font: \u003cem data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"297\"\u003e\"I smell like panic and desperation.\"\u003c\/em\u003e It’s a stealth confession hiding in plain sight, perfectly tailored for anyone who treats daily survival like a high-stakes endurance test.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eIdeal for burnt-out professionals, stressed creatives, or anyone who has ever laughed to keep from crying during a quarterly review. Wear it to the office, your next pitch meeting, or just around the house; it's the ultimate \"if you know, you know\" addition to your wardrobe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton \u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49280083525861,"sku":"53257747403139064398","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49280083558629,"sku":"34001456645935965731","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49280083591397,"sku":"32349980607421286064","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49280083624165,"sku":"26808809064392422451","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49280083656933,"sku":"38396346434728854026","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49280083689701,"sku":"20816041817171336250","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49280083722469,"sku":"21391410448631002748","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49280083755237,"sku":"34011174506561458652","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49280083788005,"sku":"30429146932855781508","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/everybody-knows-i-smell-like-panic-and-desperation-t-shirt-funny-dark-humor-satire-teeguilty-kick-apparel-3818854.png?v=1779697244"},{"product_id":"everybody-knows-i-m-never-sincere-t-shirt-funny-sarcastic-compliment-satire-tee","title":"Everybody Knows I’m Never Sincere T-Shirt | Funny Sarcastic Compliment Satire Tee","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eThe paradox of modern social etiquette. How do you pay someone a nice compliment while ensuring your reputation for cold, detached irony remains completely intact? Welcome back to the \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"188\"\u003e\"Everybody Knows\"\u003c\/strong\u003e collection, the satirical lineup that puts your layered social facades right out in the open. Because let’s face it: your friends, your coworkers, and that person you just ran into already know exactly how much filter you put on reality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis design delivers a masterclass in deadpan circular logic. The top half commands the room with bold white typography broadcasting \u003cstrong data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"133\"\u003e\"EVERYBODY KNOWS,\"\u003c\/strong\u003e anchored by our iconic zipped-mouth smiley face. But the real artistic genius happens in the quiet, low-visibility grey text below, delivering a brilliant one-two punch: \u003cem data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"322\"\u003e\"I'm never sincere, and by the way, you look great today.\"\u003c\/em\u003e It is a beautifully toxic cycle of a compliment wrapped in a confession, leaving the viewer completely unsure whether to smile or call HR.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003ePerfect for corporate politicians, chronic satirists, and anyone who uses irony as a primary defense mechanism. Wear it to your next performance review or social gathering, it's the ultimate \"if you know, you know\" icebreaker that keeps everyone else guessing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Lightweight 100% cotton \u003cbr\u003e- Classic crew neckline with ribbed knit collar and seam for shape retention\u003cbr\u003e- Side seams and shoulder tape for improved structure and reduced stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Direct-to-Film (DTF) sleeve print for crisp, durable graphics\u003cbr\u003e- Compliant with EU REACH, made in Honduras, 2-year EU warranty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49280231145701,"sku":"29916755901416768298","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49280231178469,"sku":"12012845282938631365","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49280231211237,"sku":"26002527744709965896","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49280231244005,"sku":"60535816779783602785","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49280231276773,"sku":"10075294133871711687","price":18.36,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49280231309541,"sku":"53064869506398591275","price":22.26,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49280231342309,"sku":"17650935647875377773","price":25.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49280231375077,"sku":"18558547023926666496","price":28.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49280231407845,"sku":"18234235993585870004","price":30.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/everybody-knows-im-never-sincere-t-shirt-funny-sarcastic-compliment-satire-teeguilty-kick-apparel-7119293.png?v=1779697248"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-my-plants-all-died-from-neglect-funny-black-thumb-plant-parent-satire-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows My Plants All Died From Neglect Funny Black Thumb Plant Parent Satire T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou bought the misting bottles. You curated the aesthetic terra cotta pots. You even gave them sophisticated, overly pretentious names—and then you completely forgot they existed. Welcome to the dark side of the urban jungle trend. Keep your serial plant-homicide under wraps with this latest confession from our \"Nobody Knows\" collection. Featuring our signature minimalist zipper-face icon and a grit-textured vintage typewriter font, this tee is a silent weapon against the overbearing wholesome energy of the \"plant parent\" community. It is the ultimate uniform for anyone whose domestic aesthetic relies entirely on strategic incompetence and the silent hope that guests won't inspect the crispy brown foliage in the corner. Perfectly blending our classic corporate-grade cynicism with everyday domestic failure, this shirt lets you maintain your curated lifestyle image without ever having to risk water schedules or proper drainage. Wear it to your next trip to the nursery to replace your casualties, a farmers market, or just to lounge on your couch next to a collection of sad, empty pots. Urban gardening on the outside, absolute botanical neglect on the inside.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - 100% cotton - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49344576323813,"sku":"13747363350296771725","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XS","offer_id":49344576356581,"sku":"10640086318219961384","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XS","offer_id":49344576389349,"sku":"22158436833790420074","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ XS","offer_id":49344576422117,"sku":"16591907914392031456","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ S","offer_id":49344576454885,"sku":"24140737440150171010","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49344576487653,"sku":"88760488586739593895","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ S","offer_id":49344576520421,"sku":"21032377352568485871","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":49344576553189,"sku":"58654571704226186401","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ S","offer_id":49344576585957,"sku":"30587132419243156297","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ S","offer_id":49344576618725,"sku":"13969767830819465371","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ S","offer_id":49344576651493,"sku":"17681546088624166367","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ S","offer_id":49344576684261,"sku":"21628609837383747113","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ S","offer_id":49344576717029,"sku":"12115341413619966569","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ S","offer_id":49344576749797,"sku":"11045251734223553349","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ S","offer_id":49344576782565,"sku":"31265730757184279156","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ S","offer_id":49344576815333,"sku":"14650535990222847968","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ S","offer_id":49344576848101,"sku":"32946047763106240686","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ M","offer_id":49344576880869,"sku":"33845115306048713349","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49344576913637,"sku":"27680500370726102678","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ M","offer_id":49344576946405,"sku":"84402080415934146544","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":49344576979173,"sku":"14646740182528694619","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ M","offer_id":49344577011941,"sku":"47322386249258068819","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ M","offer_id":49344577044709,"sku":"30604321387639448582","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ M","offer_id":49344577077477,"sku":"47869619167077468160","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ M","offer_id":49344577110245,"sku":"26905335806389320047","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ M","offer_id":49344577143013,"sku":"30275979195050176368","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ M","offer_id":49344577175781,"sku":"47451150619442319682","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ M","offer_id":49344577208549,"sku":"33059206975387828590","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ M","offer_id":49344577241317,"sku":"65934679740945617603","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ M","offer_id":49344577274085,"sku":"22805323736454007030","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ L","offer_id":49344577306853,"sku":"29997934307122755748","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49344577339621,"sku":"18593816492247443733","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ L","offer_id":49344577372389,"sku":"45074380197650124467","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":49344577405157,"sku":"14161483569470237493","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ L","offer_id":49344577437925,"sku":"12042647704109041114","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ L","offer_id":49344577470693,"sku":"29326812415544249631","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ L","offer_id":49344577503461,"sku":"51032250053007798618","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ L","offer_id":49344577536229,"sku":"30353815951969300660","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ L","offer_id":49344577568997,"sku":"25882675750595921693","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ L","offer_id":49344577601765,"sku":"23840139250227462969","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ L","offer_id":49344577634533,"sku":"52909353946290178829","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ L","offer_id":49344577667301,"sku":"20370286319690478639","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ L","offer_id":49344577700069,"sku":"19980339201248814244","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ XL","offer_id":49344577732837,"sku":"20390876546735249861","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49344577765605,"sku":"79968755931009813239","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ XL","offer_id":49344577798373,"sku":"15087652483891681030","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":49344577831141,"sku":"71368444578964055702","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XL","offer_id":49344577863909,"sku":"29034236193909429747","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ XL","offer_id":49344577896677,"sku":"29998624248668994265","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49344577929445,"sku":"62368058296833013732","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ XL","offer_id":49344577962213,"sku":"17875101225315351856","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ XL","offer_id":49344577994981,"sku":"16016224189938236702","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XL","offer_id":49344578027749,"sku":"24294218645595685864","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49344578060517,"sku":"33012807960406754384","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ XL","offer_id":49344578093285,"sku":"15821007206886242568","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ XL","offer_id":49344578126053,"sku":"16493323205412597351","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578158821,"sku":"16083071404273971555","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578191589,"sku":"26778948249979329083","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578224357,"sku":"28073040218696952770","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578257125,"sku":"22032899447780247845","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578289893,"sku":"14869965977410415207","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578322661,"sku":"12578786546802441108","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578355429,"sku":"24934707375458220952","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578388197,"sku":"29470471878704459389","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578420965,"sku":"16141078184928815873","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578453733,"sku":"34510388070507715718","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578486501,"sku":"28554777538854529821","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578519269,"sku":"31015199953292501758","price":24.08,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344578552037,"sku":"18616264061722496444","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578584805,"sku":"66725732687857154586","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578617573,"sku":"12955238616780676250","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578650341,"sku":"30412805279824313516","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578683109,"sku":"27075909151851836903","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578715877,"sku":"19004073294883933654","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578748645,"sku":"17516637764726215170","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578781413,"sku":"10915586900223053742","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578814181,"sku":"25920771601797799183","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578846949,"sku":"31002264525341315370","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578879717,"sku":"58925816067763052827","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578912485,"sku":"15380394979425300083","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578945253,"sku":"30850931772542454241","price":27.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344578978021,"sku":"30199039966961177702","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344579010789,"sku":"87126139477021620888","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344579043557,"sku":"47004637051222904824","price":30.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344579076325,"sku":"24219061019313419764","price":30.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344579109093,"sku":"32246141715423839334","price":30.13,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49344579141861,"sku":"10734248553599191266","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 5XL","offer_id":49344579174629,"sku":"22578504770946434534","price":32.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-my-plants-all-died-from-neglect-funny-black-thumb-plant-parent-satire-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-5129095.png?v=1779780071"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-love-reality-tv-funny-satirical-confession-tshirt","title":"Nobody Knows I Love Reality TV  Funny Satirical Confession TShirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eAh, the paradox of modern social etiquette. How do you pay someone a nice compliment while ensuring your reputation for cold, detached irony remains completely intact? Welcome back to the \"Everybody Knows\" collection, the satirical lineup that puts your layered social facades right out in the open. Because let’s face it: your friends, your coworkers, and that person you just ran into already know exactly how much filter you put on reality. Some secrets are too heavy to carry alone, yet too shameful to speak aloud. Enter the ultimate silent confession. Featuring our signature zipper-face icon, this tee lets the world know that beneath your sophisticated exterior lies a soul that thrives on absolute, unscripted chaos. Whether you are secretly keeping up with the latest manufactured drama, analyzing table flips like high art, or just masking your social fatigue with the soothing hum of trash television, this shirt speaks your truth so you don’t have to. It's the perfect mix of corporate-grade cynicism and guilty-pleasure indulgence. Crafted for comfort and maximum strategic irony, it’s a must-have addition for anyone curating an archive of deeply personal, mildly embarrassing revelations. Wear it to your next virtual meeting, your couch-bound marathon, or anywhere you want to silently signal your fellow connoisseurs of garbage TV.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - 100% cotton - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49344648184037,"sku":"26246795312502593118","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XS","offer_id":49344648216805,"sku":"29272443828289533369","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XS","offer_id":49344648249573,"sku":"22265750908134375891","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ XS","offer_id":49344648282341,"sku":"18176229718709567384","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ S","offer_id":49344648315109,"sku":"15449613578441517390","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49344648347877,"sku":"68991123752796924247","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ S","offer_id":49344648380645,"sku":"23626414137351500496","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":49344648413413,"sku":"58298516194093994514","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ S","offer_id":49344648446181,"sku":"32247921156296076920","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ S","offer_id":49344648478949,"sku":"33658598047789580307","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ S","offer_id":49344648511717,"sku":"27497094941106578817","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ S","offer_id":49344648544485,"sku":"57421797550809164783","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ S","offer_id":49344648577253,"sku":"23239291253888766317","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ S","offer_id":49344648610021,"sku":"66296211237291018561","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ S","offer_id":49344648642789,"sku":"19041481182068806860","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ S","offer_id":49344648675557,"sku":"21054899084417592380","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ S","offer_id":49344648708325,"sku":"11820236740109314935","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ M","offer_id":49344648741093,"sku":"26459372314484038461","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49344648773861,"sku":"13745676950506414898","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ M","offer_id":49344648806629,"sku":"22299867571121802422","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":49344648839397,"sku":"98547995580133994895","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ M","offer_id":49344648872165,"sku":"76548192161772998074","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ M","offer_id":49344648904933,"sku":"13954013713522302310","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ M","offer_id":49344648937701,"sku":"29546948751729989462","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ M","offer_id":49344648970469,"sku":"27484841827181610504","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ M","offer_id":49344649003237,"sku":"17621102358377774757","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ M","offer_id":49344649036005,"sku":"99958491514626386514","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ M","offer_id":49344649068773,"sku":"18010712084632253181","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ M","offer_id":49344649101541,"sku":"10695246059829387767","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ M","offer_id":49344649134309,"sku":"25945709178139240838","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ L","offer_id":49344649167077,"sku":"10573455503931246167","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49344649199845,"sku":"86045014691682608007","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ L","offer_id":49344649232613,"sku":"33794239988347525941","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":49344649265381,"sku":"18362988807941244774","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ L","offer_id":49344649298149,"sku":"26123747910020494961","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ L","offer_id":49344649330917,"sku":"14397714936523673084","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ L","offer_id":49344649363685,"sku":"10926836340421243771","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ L","offer_id":49344649396453,"sku":"12018568429362468233","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ L","offer_id":49344649429221,"sku":"30297514001163105246","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ L","offer_id":49344649461989,"sku":"16142776351309871260","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ L","offer_id":49344649494757,"sku":"10142971791297959604","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ L","offer_id":49344649527525,"sku":"64388805501398154957","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ L","offer_id":49344649560293,"sku":"37685265686601110998","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ XL","offer_id":49344649593061,"sku":"32115500658324745716","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49344649625829,"sku":"31261447297802092291","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ XL","offer_id":49344649658597,"sku":"18269041977044233977","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":49344649691365,"sku":"71525916669591252361","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XL","offer_id":49344649724133,"sku":"19194157313208315432","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ XL","offer_id":49344649756901,"sku":"31604504430518810744","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49344649789669,"sku":"83150358989448638119","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ XL","offer_id":49344649822437,"sku":"15655756196900999692","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ XL","offer_id":49344649855205,"sku":"30628876613459615809","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XL","offer_id":49344649887973,"sku":"18183216902819899436","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49344649920741,"sku":"31280195855682985660","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ XL","offer_id":49344649953509,"sku":"28727608863943685460","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ XL","offer_id":49344649986277,"sku":"10006806047071964619","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650019045,"sku":"84309207587992815477","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650051813,"sku":"27334637691353571859","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650084581,"sku":"23689840735371940008","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650117349,"sku":"10816012314694673972","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650150117,"sku":"21261871990021481726","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650182885,"sku":"32773112439290334568","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650215653,"sku":"26247043503443392319","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650248421,"sku":"22154547563923624887","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650281189,"sku":"22672534513209543347","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650313957,"sku":"48720168761050086563","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650346725,"sku":"22801932209626944729","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650379493,"sku":"94651138638167922136","price":24.08,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344650412261,"sku":"12169474495570835058","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650445029,"sku":"25097005555555247922","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650477797,"sku":"92616066797674528773","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650510565,"sku":"23636395041220872388","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650543333,"sku":"10721536288122793548","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650576101,"sku":"99048003354333965144","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650608869,"sku":"25393710241374351230","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650641637,"sku":"23218752310384321884","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650674405,"sku":"27899589580621338684","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650707173,"sku":"20812079337877747794","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650739941,"sku":"15326028257348215236","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650772709,"sku":"26568089214584779815","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650805477,"sku":"20901475209740205207","price":27.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344650838245,"sku":"11472338446920232855","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344650871013,"sku":"16089806809595431563","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344650903781,"sku":"14873310624127240590","price":30.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344650936549,"sku":"27883958067096995666","price":30.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344650969317,"sku":"19599549895847455878","price":30.13,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49344651002085,"sku":"23316625817694925614","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 5XL","offer_id":49344651034853,"sku":"23038250428203866257","price":32.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-love-reality-tv-funny-satirical-confession-tshirtguilty-kick-apparel-4147086.png?v=1779780129"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-dont-wear-pants-on-video-calls-funny-remote-work-satire-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I Don't Wear Pants on Video Calls Funny Remote Work Satire T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe modern corporate masquerade. From the chest up, you are a beacon of synergy, alignment, and institutional excellence. From the waist down? Pure, unadulterated freedom. Keep your ultimate remote work transgression under wraps with this latest installment from our \"Nobody Knows\" collection. Featuring the signature zipper-face icon and distressed typewriter font, this tee is a silent toast to the beautiful art of strategic incompetence and corporate survival. It is the perfect uniform for anyone who has mastered the delicate balance of looking highly professional on a screen while completely abandoning standard societal dress codes beneath the desk. Designed with our classic cynical humor and a vintage grit aesthetic, this shirt lets you quietly rebel against institutional logic while keeping your HR file clean. Wear it to your next virtual status update, your home office couch, or anywhere you want to subtly lock eyes with a fellow remote warrior who also knows the truth. Business on top, absolute silence on the bottom.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - 100% cotton - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49344714178789,"sku":"10120254149668037171","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XS","offer_id":49344714211557,"sku":"11689205450730117700","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XS","offer_id":49344714244325,"sku":"25279616843212716327","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ XS","offer_id":49344714277093,"sku":"30787430880811946749","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ S","offer_id":49344714309861,"sku":"50571108172491908124","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49344714342629,"sku":"78737677368064558484","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ S","offer_id":49344714375397,"sku":"19948410744792217121","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":49344714408165,"sku":"16275732408344453449","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ S","offer_id":49344714440933,"sku":"29911296021445255658","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ S","offer_id":49344714473701,"sku":"80573590253568014609","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ S","offer_id":49344714506469,"sku":"14781482991404127823","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ S","offer_id":49344714539237,"sku":"21005334091281747301","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ S","offer_id":49344714572005,"sku":"13234256936281671217","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ S","offer_id":49344714604773,"sku":"14402359025008826723","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ S","offer_id":49344714637541,"sku":"26620450352706020924","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ S","offer_id":49344714670309,"sku":"19184982111222282293","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ S","offer_id":49344714703077,"sku":"30927687762994813820","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ M","offer_id":49344714735845,"sku":"13209458916123423743","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49344714768613,"sku":"25024413523719698852","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ M","offer_id":49344714801381,"sku":"66781095887247996484","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":49344714834149,"sku":"55949218214332154473","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ M","offer_id":49344714866917,"sku":"32142839562201137988","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ M","offer_id":49344714899685,"sku":"58766403851314907413","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ M","offer_id":49344714932453,"sku":"25068308169217412671","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ M","offer_id":49344714965221,"sku":"14335375150359022107","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ M","offer_id":49344714997989,"sku":"88932299837534434708","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ M","offer_id":49344715030757,"sku":"17215410989503619836","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ M","offer_id":49344715063525,"sku":"27583585970645476595","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ M","offer_id":49344715096293,"sku":"13219357086521823316","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ M","offer_id":49344715129061,"sku":"10262431600289029461","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ L","offer_id":49344715161829,"sku":"10014717893879636852","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49344715194597,"sku":"19440468003331796946","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ L","offer_id":49344715227365,"sku":"25130795312769738383","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":49344715260133,"sku":"67339602296145990891","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ L","offer_id":49344715292901,"sku":"56541581781108278900","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ L","offer_id":49344715325669,"sku":"26973431399158412313","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ L","offer_id":49344715358437,"sku":"32580098281167564375","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ L","offer_id":49344715391205,"sku":"97173077124025834879","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ L","offer_id":49344715423973,"sku":"18912083571400026375","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ L","offer_id":49344715456741,"sku":"20039566226281897666","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ L","offer_id":49344715489509,"sku":"14632726312544214796","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ L","offer_id":49344715522277,"sku":"74233715493406370066","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ L","offer_id":49344715555045,"sku":"10837191593804620672","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ XL","offer_id":49344715587813,"sku":"70427641663772245134","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49344715620581,"sku":"19397740270384673869","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ XL","offer_id":49344715653349,"sku":"33888867189797416844","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":49344715686117,"sku":"31658641183736935396","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XL","offer_id":49344715718885,"sku":"12950726280520848523","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ XL","offer_id":49344715751653,"sku":"28103328272809315927","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49344715784421,"sku":"98855570742606356252","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ XL","offer_id":49344715817189,"sku":"24067802503514758527","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ XL","offer_id":49344715849957,"sku":"76114057790958126531","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XL","offer_id":49344715882725,"sku":"27870405966282705304","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49344715915493,"sku":"29099692259447918313","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ XL","offer_id":49344715948261,"sku":"27989791396835955358","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ XL","offer_id":49344715981029,"sku":"19816297787741749332","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716013797,"sku":"19276334725546955038","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716046565,"sku":"27573953107739507334","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716079333,"sku":"11588103416515503450","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716112101,"sku":"22260722226576717155","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716144869,"sku":"15898736702925630121","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716177637,"sku":"61334388927183476692","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716210405,"sku":"23631850534896517395","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716243173,"sku":"16460190158736203226","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716275941,"sku":"12699494832306777415","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716308709,"sku":"33753737834582466776","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716341477,"sku":"15151977778840352560","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716374245,"sku":"31923995137154488798","price":24.08,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344716407013,"sku":"87473879332797737227","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716439781,"sku":"20897676995542337865","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716472549,"sku":"15189553186626411114","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716505317,"sku":"11785214176580429464","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716538085,"sku":"17064615726980699962","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716570853,"sku":"12227232147730792306","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716603621,"sku":"18062254223312841391","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716636389,"sku":"21676527060313535283","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716669157,"sku":"12161674094139900534","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716701925,"sku":"60776031660511692705","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716734693,"sku":"16624749135242161717","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716767461,"sku":"30167967951575741506","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716800229,"sku":"25855882900145038372","price":27.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344716832997,"sku":"27757824829581320815","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344716865765,"sku":"23166116112456614348","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344716898533,"sku":"24789838055519076433","price":30.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344716931301,"sku":"23410546163486298530","price":30.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344716964069,"sku":"68273539078863372063","price":30.13,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49344716996837,"sku":"10479733828221842049","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 5XL","offer_id":49344717029605,"sku":"29696241794318414133","price":32.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-dont-wear-pants-on-video-calls-funny-remote-work-satire-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-4738186.png?v=1779780072"},{"product_id":"nobody-knows-i-cant-pronounce-charcuterie-funny-foodie-satire-t-shirt","title":"Nobody Knows I Can't Pronounce Charcuterie Funny Foodie Satire T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou love the cured meats. You respect the artisanal cheeses. You will happily eat a fancy lunchable off a rustic wooden board, but God forbid anyone asks you to order it out loud. Mask your linguistic social fatigue with this latest confession from our \"Nobody Knows\" collection. Featuring our signature minimalist zipper-face icon and a grit-textured vintage typewriter font, this tee is a silent weapon against high-society pretense and sophisticated food snobbery. It is the ultimate uniform for anyone who has ever stood at a wine bar, panicked, and just pointed at the menu while nodding sagely. Masterfully blending our classic corporate-grade cynicism with everyday social awkwardness, this shirt lets you fit right into the luxury lifestyle crowd without ever having to risk a tongue-tied disaster. Wear it to your next dinner party, a fancy grocery store run, or your couch-bound wine night. Business on the outside, a total phonetic breakdown on the inside.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - 100% cotton - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49344805077221,"sku":"31591173453651542830","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XS","offer_id":49344805109989,"sku":"69681078708915321239","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XS","offer_id":49344805142757,"sku":"21298008607032537362","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ XS","offer_id":49344805175525,"sku":"84712353459360954402","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ S","offer_id":49344805208293,"sku":"24109963019411955521","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49344805241061,"sku":"32602264099288961039","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ S","offer_id":49344805273829,"sku":"24754747291369138705","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":49344805306597,"sku":"25474441226000574664","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ S","offer_id":49344805339365,"sku":"29814210931912589141","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ S","offer_id":49344805372133,"sku":"31884857719671649957","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ S","offer_id":49344805404901,"sku":"92429246144392008162","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ S","offer_id":49344805437669,"sku":"19094857717655793501","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ S","offer_id":49344805470437,"sku":"10973979131151484288","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ S","offer_id":49344805503205,"sku":"17484925709646688782","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ S","offer_id":49344805535973,"sku":"97153258889685191636","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ S","offer_id":49344805568741,"sku":"15509301534685336131","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ S","offer_id":49344805601509,"sku":"26992449648152849821","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ M","offer_id":49344805634277,"sku":"24963166951796258959","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49344805667045,"sku":"18606317914936234048","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ M","offer_id":49344805699813,"sku":"14364309986169579982","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":49344805732581,"sku":"32236831564477565584","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ M","offer_id":49344805765349,"sku":"29945337634372562474","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ M","offer_id":49344805798117,"sku":"10549278131209371636","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ M","offer_id":49344805830885,"sku":"37221150250747099156","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ M","offer_id":49344805863653,"sku":"13473221064452613330","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ M","offer_id":49344805896421,"sku":"32259652952225441504","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ M","offer_id":49344805929189,"sku":"22097690383996931426","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ M","offer_id":49344805961957,"sku":"18293935891102430898","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ M","offer_id":49344805994725,"sku":"12824997215615532600","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ M","offer_id":49344806027493,"sku":"26514427955638200813","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ L","offer_id":49344806060261,"sku":"30871446790017198425","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49344806093029,"sku":"11686924226828875398","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ L","offer_id":49344806125797,"sku":"16239042393023214647","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":49344806158565,"sku":"19994421338611886986","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ L","offer_id":49344806191333,"sku":"15076095511759322295","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ L","offer_id":49344806224101,"sku":"88520350272016603115","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ L","offer_id":49344806256869,"sku":"32648414726504196988","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ L","offer_id":49344806289637,"sku":"88820635896092576257","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ L","offer_id":49344806322405,"sku":"98807849364547046424","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ L","offer_id":49344806355173,"sku":"27262856276193784984","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ L","offer_id":49344806387941,"sku":"22831208389084118682","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ L","offer_id":49344806420709,"sku":"79336612551512456332","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ L","offer_id":49344806453477,"sku":"16574449952110557431","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ XL","offer_id":49344806486245,"sku":"63988648756009238408","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49344806519013,"sku":"24071148253422092251","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ XL","offer_id":49344806551781,"sku":"16183418503398598881","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":49344806584549,"sku":"14463030432219161050","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XL","offer_id":49344806617317,"sku":"96530256663791762027","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ XL","offer_id":49344806650085,"sku":"67845308201374977150","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49344806682853,"sku":"69676504843979851336","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ XL","offer_id":49344806715621,"sku":"22194895217003553623","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ XL","offer_id":49344806748389,"sku":"11656268278098363079","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XL","offer_id":49344806781157,"sku":"24076634140773819095","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49344806813925,"sku":"24189766108078481175","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ XL","offer_id":49344806846693,"sku":"44268221183390971552","price":20.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ XL","offer_id":49344806879461,"sku":"21183441945915187621","price":20.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344806912229,"sku":"24999534046570664792","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344806944997,"sku":"10728509691217552534","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344806977765,"sku":"34858919341730886691","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807010533,"sku":"20054572872425828395","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807043301,"sku":"16280580571294506737","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807076069,"sku":"31714368257136817068","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807108837,"sku":"49851024584927364851","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807141605,"sku":"31333936703565134435","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807174373,"sku":"31284642451514997415","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807207141,"sku":"16087895930503359629","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807239909,"sku":"15429851729374177478","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807272677,"sku":"14676917809547722032","price":24.08,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":49344807305445,"sku":"64033435124933776553","price":24.83,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Banana Cream \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807338213,"sku":"17324525881124723667","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807370981,"sku":"12889109336033045141","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cream \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807403749,"sku":"27929251050244609760","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807436517,"sku":"16961426226503230703","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807469285,"sku":"41730836187234034603","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Natural \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807502053,"sku":"17073168796181111550","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807534821,"sku":"23379198211381177137","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807567589,"sku":"10763118866947794811","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Light Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807600357,"sku":"24936216005477062404","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807633125,"sku":"17302393012907711170","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Tahiti Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807665893,"sku":"60773765423332576067","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807698661,"sku":"15307933951186001918","price":27.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Desert Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":49344807731429,"sku":"16152056033153610943","price":28.03,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344807764197,"sku":"31217101098584385657","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344807796965,"sku":"22387686206443894053","price":30.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344807829733,"sku":"13008324217195703133","price":30.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 4XL","offer_id":49344807862501,"sku":"22199827652954596801","price":30.13,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49344807895269,"sku":"19661449807699314875","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid White \/ 5XL","offer_id":49344807928037,"sku":"49527833432117538219","price":32.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-i-cant-pronounce-charcuterie-funny-foodie-satire-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-4917523.png?v=1779780130"},{"product_id":"classified-redacted-doctor-advice-tee-absurdist-overthinker-zipper-smile-graphic-t-shirt","title":"Classified Redacted Doctor Advice Tee Absurdist Overthinker Zipper Smile Graphic T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eFor those medical recommendations you’ve officially categorized as \"none of my business.\" A brilliant new twist for the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" confession line, the \"Redacted doctor advice\" tee is the ultimate uniform for anyone practicing aggressive selective hearing. Featuring a beautifully minimalist, vintage-inspired layout, the graphic showcases a bold \"CLASSIFIED\" stamp under our signature zipper-mouthed smiley face. Beneath it, a distressed typewriter font proudly confesses the ultimate act of stubborn defiance: \"My doctor told me to stop [REDACTED]. I did not stop [REDACTED].\" It’s the perfect satirical graphic tee for dodging unwanted health lectures, surviving an exhausting corporate week on pure caffeine, or silently letting the world know your coping mechanisms are heavily classified. Whether your redacted activities involve eating leftover pizza for breakfast, running on three hours of sleep, or ignoring your daily water intake goals, this shirt lets you plead the fifth with absolute style. Crafted from premium, ultra-soft cotton for a relaxed fit, it delivers a comfortable, low-key look that keeps your secrets safe and your vibe completely unbothered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - 100% cotton - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dryclean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49477911937253,"sku":"16793830746659560458","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XS","offer_id":49477911970021,"sku":"18513547603299393999","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XS","offer_id":49477912002789,"sku":"55705870470385521807","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ XS","offer_id":49477912035557,"sku":"28729315775767508833","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ XS","offer_id":49477912068325,"sku":"18238483732958794264","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49477912101093,"sku":"11605303299375653192","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ S","offer_id":49477912133861,"sku":"17358028132645783060","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":49477912166629,"sku":"27425752252846840759","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ S","offer_id":49477912199397,"sku":"30364602868606960870","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ S","offer_id":49477912232165,"sku":"18359718687514035626","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ S","offer_id":49477912264933,"sku":"66678687857090558607","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ S","offer_id":49477912297701,"sku":"26236022725122191551","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ S","offer_id":49477912330469,"sku":"27220935575272642755","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ S","offer_id":49477912363237,"sku":"21341449737968311850","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ S","offer_id":49477912396005,"sku":"12608239586717031556","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ S","offer_id":49477912428773,"sku":"17405746218943015595","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49477912461541,"sku":"32569423864975252043","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ M","offer_id":49477912494309,"sku":"14108264095131335847","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":49477912527077,"sku":"26513062999682677268","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ M","offer_id":49477912559845,"sku":"29013517865790658077","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ M","offer_id":49477912592613,"sku":"24449979016447635191","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ M","offer_id":49477912625381,"sku":"14119907064323369874","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ M","offer_id":49477912658149,"sku":"11553200988984963262","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ M","offer_id":49477912690917,"sku":"25121522394272861351","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ M","offer_id":49477912723685,"sku":"12429298636198308840","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ M","offer_id":49477912756453,"sku":"89620547826304236849","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ M","offer_id":49477912789221,"sku":"19824410291511619453","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49477912821989,"sku":"12328109629070879931","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ L","offer_id":49477912854757,"sku":"23845016980663728152","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":49477912887525,"sku":"77875276607142102092","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ L","offer_id":49477912920293,"sku":"53522389199037347065","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ L","offer_id":49477912953061,"sku":"22020551178825204101","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ L","offer_id":49477912985829,"sku":"30232687161339576684","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ L","offer_id":49477913018597,"sku":"28540078889910653063","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ L","offer_id":49477913051365,"sku":"21313416467706354562","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ L","offer_id":49477913084133,"sku":"27587522795851828459","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ L","offer_id":49477913116901,"sku":"16786438705230152273","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ L","offer_id":49477913149669,"sku":"32222619154003006305","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49477913182437,"sku":"30660419488028167705","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49477913215205,"sku":"19000706025266474862","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":49477913247973,"sku":"17939866931755630626","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ XL","offer_id":49477913280741,"sku":"24310554760945869598","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XL","offer_id":49477913313509,"sku":"27011276115963587872","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ XL","offer_id":49477913346277,"sku":"10707774020069796467","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ XL","offer_id":49477913379045,"sku":"13165186044819094350","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XL","offer_id":49477913411813,"sku":"11673759927495877858","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ XL","offer_id":49477913444581,"sku":"10090064992920727751","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ XL","offer_id":49477913477349,"sku":"14851362414226546910","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ XL","offer_id":49477913510117,"sku":"83601485511873128220","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913542885,"sku":"23672385364935929242","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913575653,"sku":"33044328815034534690","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913608421,"sku":"22868212974131424740","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913641189,"sku":"56469698728030629987","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913673957,"sku":"21246709430062458326","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913706725,"sku":"33375135157438454230","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913739493,"sku":"32003701187176153666","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913772261,"sku":"12552722019055283990","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913805029,"sku":"33057134910486776062","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913837797,"sku":"17747436268420303067","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477913870565,"sku":"13581422041765079271","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477913903333,"sku":"12060094885234943537","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477913936101,"sku":"19705353880525218413","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477913968869,"sku":"22466642333812160210","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477914001637,"sku":"29243895003018323809","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477914034405,"sku":"16327857593552423072","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477914067173,"sku":"27954001304004320618","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477914099941,"sku":"15388339572962994153","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477914132709,"sku":"45963254243787030076","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477914165477,"sku":"33464523423294309697","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477914198245,"sku":"21872786641701135393","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477914231013,"sku":"18157964935884853566","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477914263781,"sku":"10251441024464309909","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477914296549,"sku":"28946553508729823230","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477914329317,"sku":"73023824631224667851","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477914362085,"sku":"32298488186553349432","price":37.92,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49477914394853,"sku":"18356265188732574492","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/classified-redacted-doctor-advice-tee-absurdist-overthinker-zipper-smile-graphic-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-1863815.png?v=1780691533"},{"product_id":"classified-redacted-questions-tee-absurdist-overthinker-zipper-smile-graphic-t-shirt","title":"Classified Redacted Questions Tee Absurdist Overthinker Zipper Smile Graphic T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eFor the late-night Google searches you desperately hope your internet service provider forgets. A fresh addition to the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" confession line, this design is the ultimate uniform for chronic overthinkers, introverts, and anyone whose inner thoughts are a matter of national security. Featuring a beautifully minimalist, vintage-inspired layout, the graphic showcases a bold \"CLASSIFIED\" stamp under our signature zipper-mouthed smiley face. Beneath it, a distressed typewriter font poses the ultimate existential crisis: \"Is it normal to [REDACTED]? Either way, don’t tell anyone I [REDACTED].\" It’s the perfect satirical graphic tee for dodging awkward small talk, surviving another brutal day in tech support, or silently signaling that your brain chemistry is currently heavily censored. Whether your redacted activities involve weird hobbies, questionable life choices, or just hiding from social obligations, this shirt lets you maintain plausible deniability in total comfort. Cut from ultra-soft, premium cotton for a relaxed fit, it delivers a comfortable, low-key look that keeps your secrets safe and your style completely unbothered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - 100% cotton - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dryclean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49477917278437,"sku":"21355755049846844225","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XS","offer_id":49477917311205,"sku":"20594415935758711588","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XS","offer_id":49477917343973,"sku":"61711055730334720331","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ XS","offer_id":49477917376741,"sku":"26364006170707737937","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ XS","offer_id":49477917409509,"sku":"30639847234298508184","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49477917442277,"sku":"76524719855263889475","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ S","offer_id":49477917475045,"sku":"60600364494681394391","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":49477917507813,"sku":"22195774219353016007","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ S","offer_id":49477917540581,"sku":"24695223719885841132","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ S","offer_id":49477917573349,"sku":"19301618974736003180","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ S","offer_id":49477917606117,"sku":"16063219942407961432","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ S","offer_id":49477917638885,"sku":"15004014970641975691","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ S","offer_id":49477917671653,"sku":"29205332226175858464","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ S","offer_id":49477917704421,"sku":"13280645617161981062","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ S","offer_id":49477917737189,"sku":"11424792125269739884","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ S","offer_id":49477917769957,"sku":"29615126340036534790","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49477917802725,"sku":"31191463829702751094","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ M","offer_id":49477917835493,"sku":"24554277452536667540","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":49477917868261,"sku":"27250665555314482539","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ M","offer_id":49477917901029,"sku":"61611316603858630803","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ M","offer_id":49477917933797,"sku":"61010851479827221943","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ M","offer_id":49477917966565,"sku":"21273418453751957419","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ M","offer_id":49477917999333,"sku":"41958619594132840269","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ M","offer_id":49477918032101,"sku":"29653237029613391382","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ M","offer_id":49477918064869,"sku":"32254003412876623353","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ M","offer_id":49477918097637,"sku":"33552059667899484162","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ M","offer_id":49477918130405,"sku":"20427263028518356602","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49477918163173,"sku":"22278826796936724890","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ L","offer_id":49477918195941,"sku":"13651606932762482565","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":49477918228709,"sku":"23896948784851298017","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ L","offer_id":49477918261477,"sku":"18541568683814396543","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ L","offer_id":49477918294245,"sku":"25496227361936991358","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ L","offer_id":49477918327013,"sku":"10299821897953548528","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ L","offer_id":49477918359781,"sku":"16588925042734431199","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ L","offer_id":49477918392549,"sku":"29014710542421403285","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ L","offer_id":49477918425317,"sku":"92049695424054794582","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ L","offer_id":49477918458085,"sku":"16394194192404721237","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ L","offer_id":49477918490853,"sku":"31673141282988995764","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49477918523621,"sku":"23371793630501313049","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49477918556389,"sku":"11349885520736346045","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":49477918589157,"sku":"25772023083582119991","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ XL","offer_id":49477918621925,"sku":"28841074693383063820","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XL","offer_id":49477918654693,"sku":"26718050275201211049","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ XL","offer_id":49477918687461,"sku":"22568414669895299997","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ XL","offer_id":49477918720229,"sku":"17843320150529082538","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XL","offer_id":49477918752997,"sku":"13423920577673582995","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ XL","offer_id":49477918785765,"sku":"29292383307375167978","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ XL","offer_id":49477918818533,"sku":"96076445005579218041","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ XL","offer_id":49477918851301,"sku":"14577591195321217693","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477918884069,"sku":"18964900988941596352","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477918916837,"sku":"14594588478198121589","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477918949605,"sku":"84020848013796806740","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477918982373,"sku":"11925692409937298701","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477919015141,"sku":"28131837383237167455","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477919047909,"sku":"13655834580083668805","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477919080677,"sku":"18670792496623654732","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477919113445,"sku":"84758764105311668271","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477919146213,"sku":"18420959232928112898","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477919178981,"sku":"12718932838633020061","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477919211749,"sku":"26224815890963180801","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919244517,"sku":"94284797936645259428","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919277285,"sku":"25068308873871019740","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919310053,"sku":"29979582000744103716","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919342821,"sku":"15182609045111260689","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919375589,"sku":"19857523352358707888","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919408357,"sku":"13274341899686295391","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919441125,"sku":"21851545368750394020","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919473893,"sku":"27802262086247984835","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919506661,"sku":"10238550618162614029","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919539429,"sku":"18683315853813119900","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477919572197,"sku":"19307054553697873069","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477919604965,"sku":"14415556457520135601","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477919637733,"sku":"12605062619820538921","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477919670501,"sku":"13295181876698439533","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477919703269,"sku":"11033830481528879758","price":37.92,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49477919736037,"sku":"26650143387420520537","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/classified-redacted-questions-tee-absurdist-overthinker-zipper-smile-graphic-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-1685839.png?v=1780691535"},{"product_id":"classified-redacted-regrets-tee-absurdist-introvert-zipper-smile-graphic-t-shirt","title":"Classified Redacted Regrets Tee Absurdist Introvert Zipper Smile Graphic T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eFor those life choices that are legally, socially, and emotionally classified. A brand-new twist for the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" confession line, \"Redacted regrets\" is the ultimate minimalist graphic tee for anyone who lives by the motto: \"I have a right to remain silent.\" Featuring a beautifully minimalist, vintage-inspired design, this tee features a bold \"CLASSIFIED\" stamp hovering over a distressed typewriter font that reads: \"I regret nothing. Except [REDACTED]. And also [REDACTED].\" Crowned with our signature zipper-mouthed smiley face, it’s the perfect casual outfit for dodging nosy relatives, surviving corporate compliance meetings, or navigating a high-stakes IT migration without giving away where the bodies are buried. Whether your secret regrets involve a terrible ex, an embarrassing internet search history, or a database script you accidentally ran in production, this shirt lets you plead the fifth in style. Crafted from premium, ultra-soft cotton, it offers a relaxed, comfortable fit that keeps your secrets safe and your vibe completely unbothered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - 100% cotton - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dryclean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":49477920489701,"sku":"31178134584636587839","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XS","offer_id":49477920522469,"sku":"79418145456529229745","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XS","offer_id":49477920555237,"sku":"17972643507666570704","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ XS","offer_id":49477920588005,"sku":"26697885075294977124","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ XS","offer_id":49477920620773,"sku":"25777678144321715774","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":49477920653541,"sku":"29079239958960867541","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ S","offer_id":49477920686309,"sku":"43382473951195052089","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":49477920719077,"sku":"15698461757926751220","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ S","offer_id":49477920751845,"sku":"20306856827955578595","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ S","offer_id":49477920784613,"sku":"19813599617382181718","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ S","offer_id":49477920817381,"sku":"37562741993753405800","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ S","offer_id":49477920850149,"sku":"12963702751387797190","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ S","offer_id":49477920882917,"sku":"19057608186616254560","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ S","offer_id":49477920915685,"sku":"33073948182069964265","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ S","offer_id":49477920948453,"sku":"25585751328941284415","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ S","offer_id":49477920981221,"sku":"31315070742244655741","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":49477921013989,"sku":"12858412266122683858","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ M","offer_id":49477921046757,"sku":"28010244862683008958","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":49477921079525,"sku":"51119583938045350886","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ M","offer_id":49477921112293,"sku":"32739331663864930206","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ M","offer_id":49477921145061,"sku":"24092512352532150811","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ M","offer_id":49477921177829,"sku":"31499454816762623597","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ M","offer_id":49477921210597,"sku":"24117683028565207553","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ M","offer_id":49477921243365,"sku":"94467248004859275028","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ M","offer_id":49477921276133,"sku":"24890813031434448408","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ M","offer_id":49477921308901,"sku":"12479454955791380054","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ M","offer_id":49477921341669,"sku":"23884817581489039452","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":49477921374437,"sku":"22204356652167647188","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ L","offer_id":49477921407205,"sku":"33146549218778922032","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":49477921439973,"sku":"33984002967594617748","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ L","offer_id":49477921472741,"sku":"12596125919941438106","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ L","offer_id":49477921505509,"sku":"12401950287905568578","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ L","offer_id":49477921538277,"sku":"34027653552539735514","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ L","offer_id":49477921571045,"sku":"17189845651959705302","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ L","offer_id":49477921603813,"sku":"14477757068868086262","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ L","offer_id":49477921636581,"sku":"20988938383276354624","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ L","offer_id":49477921669349,"sku":"96115608561574586293","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ L","offer_id":49477921702117,"sku":"29761866693983985015","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":49477921734885,"sku":"12722123660296862899","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ XL","offer_id":49477921767653,"sku":"20407431813386063283","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":49477921800421,"sku":"24737417069416214477","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ XL","offer_id":49477921833189,"sku":"18241777666200453444","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ XL","offer_id":49477921865957,"sku":"26442179283788472036","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ XL","offer_id":49477921898725,"sku":"53443798407246047313","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ XL","offer_id":49477921931493,"sku":"18087989047899211026","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ XL","offer_id":49477921964261,"sku":"15877397303660189751","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ XL","offer_id":49477921997029,"sku":"15759513285116119763","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ XL","offer_id":49477922029797,"sku":"99113543053486993596","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ XL","offer_id":49477922062565,"sku":"32119553547179637003","price":25.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922095333,"sku":"87785212319723300086","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922128101,"sku":"21084376557014836180","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922160869,"sku":"31964827986467592324","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922193637,"sku":"16385549101273862962","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922226405,"sku":"12941508694642758933","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922259173,"sku":"14850819879025784127","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922291941,"sku":"16796264130563577016","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922324709,"sku":"26642351238862655612","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922357477,"sku":"27078885268755856206","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922390245,"sku":"31427414898946997968","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49477922423013,"sku":"23284599670770689371","price":30.23,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922455781,"sku":"27245690675008723787","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Cool Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922488549,"sku":"27397198415891087125","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922521317,"sku":"88053530416341839891","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Forest Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922554085,"sku":"33921764445371881890","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922586853,"sku":"18726612012131753738","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Indigo \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922619621,"sku":"65993876406361608821","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Maroon \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922652389,"sku":"26182540336812389811","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922685157,"sku":"15981859860369769084","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Military Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922717925,"sku":"29261135126436344425","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Purple Rush \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922750693,"sku":"28972840489273874548","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 3XL","offer_id":49477922783461,"sku":"45362258962654089285","price":34.3,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477922816229,"sku":"11747962827711413199","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Heavy Metal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477922848997,"sku":"20305253340788722899","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Midnight Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477922881765,"sku":"96676151089343622762","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Royal \/ 4XL","offer_id":49477922914533,"sku":"85610772414135336438","price":37.92,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":49477922947301,"sku":"18070219938870007214","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/classified-redacted-regrets-tee-absurdist-introvert-zipper-smile-graphic-t-shirtguilty-kick-apparel-4178156.png?v=1780691533"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/collections\/nobody-knows-5210727.png?v=1776890339","url":"https:\/\/guiltykick.com\/collections\/nobody-knows.oembed?page=2","provider":"Guilty Kick Apparel","version":"1.0","type":"link"}