{"product_id":"nobody-knows-the-botanical-mortician","title":"Nobody Knows: The Botanical Mortician","description":"\u003cp\u003eYour Instagram says \"Urban Jungle,\" but your trash can says \"Mass Casualty Event.\" Behind every thriving succulent on your windowsill lies a silent graveyard of ferns, fiddle-leaf figs, and \"unkillable\" cacti that simply couldn't survive your unique brand of unintentional abandonment. A darkly relatable addition to the Guilty Kick \"Nobody Knows\" Collection, this t-shirt is a badge of honor for the chronically forgetful gardener. It’s for the person who buys a new pothos to cover the withered remains of the old one, the homeowner who views a watering can as a decorative sculpture, and anyone who has ever apologized to a decorative silk plant out of habit. Wear it to the nursery while you scout your next victim—your secret is safe with us.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features - Ribbed knit collar with seam for shape retention - With side seams for structural support - Shoulder tape for stability - Unisex tee for adults - Light fabric with classic fit - Fabric blends: Heather colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester - Great for accessorizing and all-season wear Care instructions - Do not dry-clean - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Solid Black \/ XS","offer_id":48880322052325,"sku":"58545427024025823092","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ S","offer_id":48880322085093,"sku":"18827759391013697667","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ M","offer_id":48880322117861,"sku":"25196209985614634838","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ L","offer_id":48880322150629,"sku":"33844872033461872618","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ XL","offer_id":48880322183397,"sku":"29632277066574657374","price":17.54,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880322216165,"sku":"26983687838380576512","price":20.74,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880322248933,"sku":"11019544796515634202","price":23.41,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880322281701,"sku":"23946161119000498409","price":25.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Solid Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":48880322314469,"sku":"21046450598007315653","price":27.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0779\/2544\/9957\/files\/nobody-knows-the-botanical-morticianguilty-kick-apparel-6427968.png?v=1777306270","url":"https:\/\/guiltykick.com\/products\/nobody-knows-the-botanical-mortician","provider":"Guilty Kick Apparel","version":"1.0","type":"link"}