Let’s talk about pockets.
Or, more specifically, the absence of them. Because somewhere along the line, someone decided that pants — the literal foundation of modern civilization — should not have places to put things.
And thus, humanity’s great tragedy was born: The Pocket Problem.
A Brief History of Betrayal
Archaeologists may debate when humans first made fire, but surely the second invention was the pocket. Early Homo sapiens probably fashioned them from mammoth hides to store essential survival tools — like rocks, berries, or their emotional baggage.
Fast-forward to the 21st century, and we’ve devolved. We have smartphones, wireless earbuds, and AI assistants that can write our emails, but our pants? Still missing functional pockets.
Somewhere, a fashion designer smirked and said, “You don’t need those. Just… hold it.”
And now we’re all juggling our phones, keys, and dignity.
The Gendered Pocket Gap
Let’s address the most egregious injustice:
Men’s pants have pockets so deep they could hide state secrets.
Women’s pants, on the other hand, have pocket-shaped lies.
They look promising — an outline, a suggestion of function — until you realize they’re sewn shut. Decorative! Like a cruel prank.
We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t put a phone in a woman’s jeans.
The Great Workaround
Humans are resourceful creatures. When denied pockets, we innovate.
Enter:
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The purse, a portable pocket revolution.
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The fanny pack, humanity’s hands-free cry for help.
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The shirt pocket, where phones go to fall out the moment you bend over.
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And, of course, the “just hold it” strategy, perfect for ensuring your coffee, keys, and sanity all slip away simultaneously.
Some even turn to “cargo pants” — the Swiss Army knife of legwear — only to discover that while you gain storage, you lose all social credibility.
A Call to Action
Fashion houses, hear our plea:
We are tired of carrying our entire lives in our hands like overworked street magicians.
We are tired of fake pockets, shallow pockets, and pockets that can’t even hold a ChapStick without defying physics.
We demand deep, meaningful pockets — the kind you can trust with your phone, snacks, and existential dread.
In Conclusion:
Until that glorious day, we will keep fighting the good fight.
We will buy jackets with twelve compartments, rediscover the utility belt, and nod knowingly at strangers also holding too many things.
Because pockets aren’t just a convenience.
They’re a right.
A human right.
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